I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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