This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
