If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
