i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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