I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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