its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
