i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
