I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
