you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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