I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
