alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
