you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
