i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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