Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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