Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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