We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
