whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
