My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
