I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
