I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
