Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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