first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
