Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
