and i looked up. we had an audience...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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