dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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