I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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