1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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