Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
how does that bad decision feel?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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