I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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