Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
