I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
