I want to walk on stilts...naked
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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