atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
