I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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