I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
