my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it glows. i had to have it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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