i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
