You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
