I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
