You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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