I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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