I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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