I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
