In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
