Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
