If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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