i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
