....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
