i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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