video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
