nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
