Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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