I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
