There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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