I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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