the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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