you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
