I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
