mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The ass gains better be worth it
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