I am spending my child support on dildos
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
