do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
