remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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