saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
