Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
