first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
