I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
