Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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