I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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