I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
