Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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