capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize