i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
